Ted Noten’s survival kit mocks opulent fashionistas

What does a woman need to be an ageless beauty? Well, if you don’t really know the answer to that trick question, let Dutch jeweler Ted Noten answer our queries. His latest collection, dubbed as the 7 Necessities, is a tongue-in-cheek remark to feminist fashionistas, offering things that “every woman” aspires. This is not his first attempt at a kit like this, if you remember his Chanel001 gun Noten describes the idea as a “quest to determine what every woman needs in a survival kit, under any imaginable circumstance, to ‘be her own man’ without forfeiting her femininity.” So what exactly can you find inside the kit?

A beauty mask that looks like Nefertiti that comes with botox enhancements fits on to the shape of your face.
Dior 002 Gun (in White) hides a 4GB USB drive that also makes room for a Dior lip-gloss, a sparkling diamond, and handy pills, among other little things that you need to carry along.
A 19th-century waist Chatelaine with a modern twist; it features a credit card fan and 11 other “modular” items.
A trophy helmet for a hunting woman is a must. It comes nestled with many tools such as a radar device and a telescope.
To keep a lusty woman’s passion in check, there is a Chastity belt. But more than that, it’s an indication that a nice girl can get really naughty at will!
The Purse of Wonders houses everything a woman needs, when she has to look her best. Apart from the usual lipstick, drug paraphernalia, and a wedding ring, it also stores a crystal ball and sperm whale oil, which is known for keeping wrinkles at bay
Finally, there are spyglasses for a “Woman on the Warpath. Crafted in nylon, the sunglasses keep aggressive crystal ice picks hidden within themselves.
Everything inside is 3-D printed, white, and encrusted with diamonds and gold. The wait, isn’t that what a girl wants, or is it? Too bad it doesn’t pack in a tall, dark, and handsome hunk as well!
[Tednoten Via Fastcodesign]