If all the horrendous sketches and pathetic sculpting in the name of abstract art until now wasn’t enough, 2017 brings to you an extended version of bizarre! Presenting to you, a gold-plated turd sculpture that looks like, err…an animated lump of your excreta in gold! Excited to buy this exotic spiral of poop but don’t think you can afford it? Worry not, the artist also brings you cheaper versions in charcoal and black porcelain.
If you have been on a lookout for a perfect piece of shiny turd for your collectibles, (apart from being an idiot), you are in for some luck! To make up for the loss of art in the art piece, it boasts of being intelligent Archimedean turd! There is a full-blown formula used behind is geometric built up, as below:
The turds’ geometry is based on the combination of an Archimedean spiral (r = a + bθ) and the Golden Ratio / Phi in triangles (a = 1, b = √φ, c = φ). The latter proportion is found in Egyptian Pyramids.
Thank thy lord for the brainy insights behind this intriguingly shiny piece of poop! For next time your friends laugh at you for buying this literal piece of shit, (which they certainly will), you can rub in some high-level math in their face in your defense. But seriously, if you are willing to spend $350 ($ 20 for the matte charcoal and glossy porcelain) for a gold- plated turd (that may only double up as a shitty paperweight), there is a hell lot of retrospection you have left to do for the remaining part of the year.